My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
