dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
