I haven't been this sober since birth.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I stole a fireplace last night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
