I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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