After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
