Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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