Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
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When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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