I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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