I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
