he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
