So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
