party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
