I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i will never coherently bang her
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
