How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
