Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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