How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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