3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
