i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
