3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my sisters under your porch take her home
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
