i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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