soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
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