i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
