Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
