Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
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this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
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What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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