He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize