My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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