Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
