Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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