i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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