Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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