Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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