If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
