dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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