That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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