the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
