I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
