If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
