do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
