erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
