1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
