I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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