every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
