do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
