Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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