How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
