Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Bring me that man meat
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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