i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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