Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
only you would photoshop your dick
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
