The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize