...so i touched it.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
