I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
