walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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