24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
