planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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