he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
