Sponge bath it is.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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