Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
