Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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