I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
