someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
