Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
