If i come over, it means nothing
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
