drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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