need another drink. this is the easiest way
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
pray to the hookup gods
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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