I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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