i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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