she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
